Contrary to popular belief, I think gay people are different than our hetero brothers and sisters. I consider it a privilege and an honor to represent gay male masculinity, the underrepresented half of our community who have gone undetected, in my opinion, for too long.
I’m glad to be butch and smash the stereotypes that so many people still clutch to as truth. Yes, I’m a gold star gay, proud and thankful to be who I am. And of course, when people, thinking I’m straight, voice their homophobic views, the internalized shame I’ve worked so hard to overcome rears its ugly head, making the coming out process more difficult-though it also strengthens me each time I do. There’s always someone who assumes I’m heterosexual and is seemingly shocked when I tell them the truth. Even working in a gay-centric business I’m faced with a perpetual coming out process. The struggle today is still real, though not as difficult as in the past. Perhaps the judgmental ones assume I’ve had an easier life, escaping a lot of the childhood angst and harassment, when in reality my struggle was mostly internalized but just as real as theirs. I’ve always respected the more feminine guys for their strength and beauty I find them intriguing-so much different than me yet paradoxically similar. Thankfully AOL helped me come out when I was 23, enabling me to close that gap and make a connection with the gay community.Īh, my gay brothers, some of whom have judged me for “acting straight”, are ironically those whom I’ve found most attractive. It also created a dark period in my life and a chasm between me and the rest of the world. Since I loved getting my hands dirty and building things with power tools, no one ever thought I might be gay, and this sealed the edges around the door of my closet, making it very difficult for me to come out. My perception of masculinity was heavily influenced by my father, a rough-edged man who showed no emotion, encouraged me to be tough and never cry, and took me to watch movies starring Stallone, Eastwood and Schwarzenegger. Growing up gay was never going to be easy, but growing up butch presented me with a separate set of issues. Maybe it’s because we’re a lot more similar than we think. It seems like the world is both awash with both and yet it seems that when you are looking, a true died-in-the-wool butch guy, or a real “purse falling out of the mouth” nelly guy are so hard to find. Masculine acting guys versus feminine acting guys. In a day and age when the thick lines between types of peoples are getting thinner and thinner, one giant line in the sand caught our attention for a little exploration.